The Inspiration

This song is what inspired the below post. The first time I heard it I was fourteen. How can the past seem so distant yet close at the same time?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pb-K2tXWK4w&ob=av2n

The Ripe Old Age of Fifteen

When I was fifteen I had my whole life figured out. My plans had been made, and I was sure nothing would go wrong with them. I was pretty certain I knew who I was as a person. I couldn't see how I would change in any way. Sometimes though, it seemed like I would never go on a date or have a boyfriend. At times, I thought when that happened I would always be happy and confident. I wanted so bad to be wanted. When I was fifteen, I couldn't wait to graduate. I wanted to leave. I wanted adventure. I wanted to be 'free'.
Now I'm seventeen. I'm getting ready to graduate, and that fact often terrifies me. My longing for adventure has greatly diminished. I've become a homebody. To say I've changed since fifteen could be an understatement. But I'm very happy with who I am. I have gone on those magical dates (often more awkward then magical), and they are now often occurrences in my life. However, I laugh at my mistaken view of what having a boyfriend would be like. Yes, it is wonderful, but that doesn't mean life is perfect. I still stress out, have mood swings, and bad days. They all add up to some interesting conversations with him at times.
Fifteen was a rough year, but one I'm thankful for. To all the girls who are going through that, I can assure you it will get better. There is a high chance it'll get worse before better, but it will happen. Just remember: the art of laughing at yourself is a great one, it's ok to become angry and upset sometimes, you're a wonderful, beautiful person, and there is a God who cares deeply for you. And don't forget to thank Him for the life you have right now, because it's all going to change at some point.

Pictures Relating to Spring

Confessions of a High School Senior

Why did I decide to write this post? Well, I thought of it, and needed to update my blog. Seemed like a good reason to me.

1- I feel no guilt or sadness in defrosting and feeding the owl baby chickens on a weekly basis.
2- My sister and I have rocked out to a Justin Bieber song in the middle of a restaurant. It was at that point we decided we had been spending too much time with middle schoolers. I know some of you are thinking, "It's possible to rock out to Justin Bieber?" Indeed it is my friend, indeed it is.
3- I'm a wimp when it comes to thunder storms.
4- I can be a tad ditzy sometimes.
5- When I was twelve I rode a kid roller-coaster and was scared. Mom refuses to let me live it down.
6- I have seen almost all of the Disney channel movies, and usually enjoyed them. They happened to normally come on at the same time Grandma went to bed.
7- I sometimes dress like a total hippie. I do fit in at the organic market place though.
8- For some reason I hate loading music on my mp3 player. Laura does it for me.
9- There is a fairy calender hanging on my bedroom wall.
10- I think clip-in colorful hair extensions can be really pretty.

Old Pictures

When I was seven. Otherwise known as my toothless age.

One of my shining years in the cuteness department

Me and Grandpa

Since I'm a high school senior this year, I get to have to whole pages dedicated to myself. Two pages advertising what an adorable child I was and what an awesome person I am now. Pretty cool, huh? Just one of the perks of being homeschooled and a member of a homeschool group. Anyways, here is a few of the pictures I put in the book.

Random Childhood Memory

Nothing brings me back to the fourth grade like one of those barrel kool-aid drinks. You know, those bright blue, red, purple drinks that stain horribly, are a pain to open without spilling, and are really kind of gross? Yeah, those. They're also cheap, which is why my favorite Sunday School teachers in the world bought them every single week to serve to their class of rambunctious nine and ten year olds. It was in that cramped, noisy room that I met one of the most interesting people of my childhood.
That girl had a lot to say, and I was usually the one she said it to. Every week I sat silently with wide eyes to a torrent of elaborate stories, full of amazement. Being very gullible, it took me a while to realize she was a perpetual liar, and very little that she said was true.
I can't remember most of what she told me, but the story of her dead grandfather hasn't left me yet. One Sunday morning she came in and plopped down in the chair next to me as usual. Before I could say a word she started telling me all about how she's getting used to hearing her grandfather's ghost walking around her house. She explained to me that the reason his ghost sticks around is because they keep his body in their living room. I promptly about fell out of my chair shock after hearing this bit of information. I envisioned a living room with a casket stuck in a corner, or maybe used as a side table. I could hear guests being asked to use coasters so their glasses wouldn't mess up the caskets finish. (Do they even finish caskets?)
Like I said I was gullible. I finally got the opportunity to ask where exactly in the living room did they keep his body. The answer was on their mantle. In an urn. I had temporarily forgotten about cremation, and felt somewhat relieved in remembering. I have no clue if her family really did keep his ashes on their mantle, all I know is that it makes for a somewhat humorous memory.

Grieving

I actually wrote this in a notebook a while back, and wasn't sure if I wanted to post it. Obviously, I decided to.

I hits you when you least expect it. Before you can brace yourself a wave filled with past moments, happy and sad, crashes over you. Suddenly the void in your life becomes so pronounced that for a few moments it totally engulfs you. The only thought in your mind is, "I miss my grandma." But just as quickly you place the cover back on the void and move forward. You'll get used to it eventually. You have to, because Grandma is not coming back.